Is Fear of Failure Stopping You From Achieving Things In Life?

 

No one likes to fail at things they are trying to achieve but for some people failing is a very strong emotion and their desire to avoid failure is greater than their motivation to succeed.

This fear of failure can lead to unconsciously sabotaging their success.

Failing can induce feelings of disappointment, anger, frustration, sadness, regret and confusion, while these are all difficult emotions to feel they aren't inherently the reason for fear of failure.

Fear of failure is essentially a fear of shame. People who have fear of failure are motivated to avoid it not because they can't manage their emotions around it but because failing makes them feel deep shame.

Shame is a toxic emotion because instead of feeling bad about our actions (guilt) or our effort (regret) shame makes us feel bad for who we are.

Shame will affect our ego, our identity, self esteem and our emotional well-being. The damaging effects of shame means those who fear failure avoid the threats surrounding it by finding unconscious ways to avoid a future failure - It's almost the Christmas holiday, there is no point starting to eat healthier and start exercising this week, I won't be able to stick to the plan anyway. 

Some signs you may have a fear of failure:

• You worry what other people will think of you if you fail
• You doubt your ability to pursue the future you desire if you fail
• You worry that failing will make people judge how smart or capable you are
• You worry about disappointing people whose opinions you value if you fail
• You tell people in advance that you don't expect to succeed to lower their expectations if you do fail
• If you do fail, you find it very difficult to imagine what you could have done differently
• You get last minute headaches, stomach-aches or other physical symptoms that prevent you from preparing properly to succeed.
• You often get distracted by tasks that prevent you from completing the preparation necessary to succeed, which with hindsight were not as urgent as they seemed at the time
• You tend to procrastinate or "run out of time" to complete the things that would have made you succeed.

If this is you, what to do?

Fear of failure primarily operates at an unconscious level. You might have felt it was essential to clean the entire house and ensure you have no time or energy left at the end of the day - so you don't go for a walk or do the workout you had planned to do.

Own The Fear

Accept that failure makes you feel fear and shame and discuss these feelings with people close to you who you trust. Bring the feelings to the surface so that you don't express them by sabotaging you efforts. Getting reassurance from trusted people can improve your feelings of self-worth as well as minimizing the fear of disappointing them.

Focus On What You Can Control

Identify which aspects of the tasks you need to perform to succeed are within your control.

Reframe aspects of the tasks that seem out of your control by talking to a trusted person and you gain control over those aspects.

An example could be not comfort eating when you have had a busy day at work or an argument with a family member. Discuss with a trusted friend ways you could nurture/distract yourself when this happens, so that you take back control in these situations.

I hope this has helped in some way to put fear of failure into a better context that you can action and move forward to achieving the goals you have set yourself x